A true story about the life of faith includes the messiness, failures and griefs of human experience. It also offers hope, says the professor emeritus and author of a new book about spiritual memoir.
faithandleadership.com
Richard Lischer:
“ . . I can't forget what a toddler named Darwin looked like after drowning in a pond in our community, laid out on a hospital bed dressed by the nurses in his pajamas with drums and sticks on them.
“I can't forget what it was like to be in that room with his mother and his grandmother. Oh my God.
“I can't forget what it was like one day after church when the chairman of the board of elders burst into the sacristy and his first words were, ‘You lied to me! You've betrayed me!’ . . ”
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This is what religion should be about.
With the Mother and Grandmother and the little boy who had drowned, you let yourself say “I’m sorry.” You hug each, unless one or both clearly indicate nonverbally that they do not want a hug.
And you don’t reach for an answer. You don’t know why the boy drowned. And neither does the smartest person in the world. Sometimes tragedies just happen.
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The guy accusing him of lying is a much less serious situation. But sometimes this kind of criticism can really stick with us. If you feel it, maybe saying “I’m sorry” is not such a bad thing. And let the person talk, without talking over him. Using the reflective sales technique of saying, Okay and repeating the sentence or long phrase the person just said. It’s a pretty good technique because it gives the person confidence that they have been heard.
And 1% of people sometimes have schizophrenia and/or bipolar. I say sometimes because they go through cycles of their issues being less bad or more bad. The person can certainly be a good neighbor, co-worker, parent, etc, etc. With some help along the way, just like all of us. And a doctor who listens and is willing to tinker with the medication.
Or, maybe you really did let the guy down in some way.
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It’s interesting that I wrote about the tricky situation more than the important situation.
With the family who’s lost someone, bring food to the family in a respectful way.
And show up at the memorial service a respectful amount of time early.