I'm agnostic, I don't believe in God, but at the same time, I can't reject the idea of God, so identifying as either Christian or Atheist is hard for me to do. I grew up in a Christian home, and it was really hard for me to discuss anything with my parents because their first response was along the lines of follow God's voice and I couldn't hear voices so I was confused. (now I realize they are more saying or conveying intuition and not a literal voice. but I was a kid)
My username is thatquietchick because I was always told that I was quiet growing up, and I would internalize any definitions put on me. (I wouldn't speak in fear of being called quiet or shy which in return fed into the idea that I was quiet and shy) There are other paradoxes that I'm trying to unravel in my life through looking at the facts. When I was initially called shy, I wasn't afraid of talking, I usually liked doing my own thing and when other kids wanted to talk I was happy but I mostly entertained myself, but through being afraid of being thought of as shy and avoiding people, I pushed myself into that role. When I made the profile, I felt that it was sort of fitting to use that definition and speak my mind (also, it's kind of ironic that I'm quiet, but I'm speaking/typing my mind anyways, and I like irony).
Currently, I'm 21 and just graduated college, so I just hope that this could be more of a learning experience. I don't believe in God because I was kind of unsettled with the way various people in my life used God to justify their actions. My dad had the habit of yelling for long periods of time (shortest has been 30 minutes the longest has been six hours, we weren't allowed to talk since he would threaten to yell longer, but now if he tries to start an argument, I've started responding, the argument lasts way shorter responding.), throwing things (not at us directly, rarely), or threaten (often) if he got angry, and he would use God as a justification (he also would use his childhood, recently his father's passing 2015, and his mother's passing this year. It's frustrating because the justification of the yelling is now "you have a father, I didn't have a chance to have one". And of course I can't reply because it's f*ed up so yeah. This would be for a dish in the sink or a piece of clothing on the floor, I wasn't a bad kid. So, yeah I grew up with that, so I felt as though I couldn't talk about issues like religion or even question anything my parents believed in. My mom is super religious and while I think she would understand my questioning faith, I don't want to put that on her and cause her to question her belief since the belief in God makes her happy.)
My mom never justified my dad's behavior, but she would say that that is not God--not something that is like God (she believes that people should try to be like God). I find it difficult to believe in God since just within my family, God was so different to my mom and my dad. I don't want to use God to justify all of my beliefs--especially the ones that are wrong--at the same time just from growing up involved in church (though I often get this feeling outside of church), I understand the feeling of God or seeing God in people (sometimes, someone will do something or act in a certain way and for some reason they'll have a positive energy around them and it makes me feel really calm. I understand that there are many other explanations for this, but it's the best way for me to describe that feeling. Rarely do I feel that way, but there are a few people that I've met that gave me that feeling), so that's why it's hard for me to say God doesn't exist straight out and dismiss Christianity or other beliefs founded on God.
My username is thatquietchick because I was always told that I was quiet growing up, and I would internalize any definitions put on me. (I wouldn't speak in fear of being called quiet or shy which in return fed into the idea that I was quiet and shy) There are other paradoxes that I'm trying to unravel in my life through looking at the facts. When I was initially called shy, I wasn't afraid of talking, I usually liked doing my own thing and when other kids wanted to talk I was happy but I mostly entertained myself, but through being afraid of being thought of as shy and avoiding people, I pushed myself into that role. When I made the profile, I felt that it was sort of fitting to use that definition and speak my mind (also, it's kind of ironic that I'm quiet, but I'm speaking/typing my mind anyways, and I like irony).
Currently, I'm 21 and just graduated college, so I just hope that this could be more of a learning experience. I don't believe in God because I was kind of unsettled with the way various people in my life used God to justify their actions. My dad had the habit of yelling for long periods of time (shortest has been 30 minutes the longest has been six hours, we weren't allowed to talk since he would threaten to yell longer, but now if he tries to start an argument, I've started responding, the argument lasts way shorter responding.), throwing things (not at us directly, rarely), or threaten (often) if he got angry, and he would use God as a justification (he also would use his childhood, recently his father's passing 2015, and his mother's passing this year. It's frustrating because the justification of the yelling is now "you have a father, I didn't have a chance to have one". And of course I can't reply because it's f*ed up so yeah. This would be for a dish in the sink or a piece of clothing on the floor, I wasn't a bad kid. So, yeah I grew up with that, so I felt as though I couldn't talk about issues like religion or even question anything my parents believed in. My mom is super religious and while I think she would understand my questioning faith, I don't want to put that on her and cause her to question her belief since the belief in God makes her happy.)
My mom never justified my dad's behavior, but she would say that that is not God--not something that is like God (she believes that people should try to be like God). I find it difficult to believe in God since just within my family, God was so different to my mom and my dad. I don't want to use God to justify all of my beliefs--especially the ones that are wrong--at the same time just from growing up involved in church (though I often get this feeling outside of church), I understand the feeling of God or seeing God in people (sometimes, someone will do something or act in a certain way and for some reason they'll have a positive energy around them and it makes me feel really calm. I understand that there are many other explanations for this, but it's the best way for me to describe that feeling. Rarely do I feel that way, but there are a few people that I've met that gave me that feeling), so that's why it's hard for me to say God doesn't exist straight out and dismiss Christianity or other beliefs founded on God.
