domestic violence tends to repeat and get worse, but JD Vance might still have a point about staying in a bad marriage

[Multicolored Lemur]

JD Vance Suggests People in ‘Violent’ Marriages Shouldn’t Get Divorced

The Ohio Republican Senate nominee claimed people “shift spouses like they change their underwear,” and that it had damaged a generation of children.

www.vice.com

two years ago

he said —
“well, OK, these marriages were fundamentally, you know, they were maybe even violent, but certainly they were unhappy”

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One of the worst parts of domestic violence is the isolation. You have this big secret bogging you down.

The statistical norm is that most people do not leave, certainly not the first time. And by telling people they “should” leave all you’re doing is giving them one more task and setting them to fail one more time. And feel guilty, feel behind the 8-ball, feel “stacked,” etc.

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Family violence does repeat in a random, partially predictable, partially unpredictable way. And often the violence gets worse over time.

Best case scenario, you do have a friend or family member you can move in with for a couple of days running to a couple of weeks, in other words . .

a trial separation,

and maybe the person with the violence problem will make amends and turn over a new leaf in sensible ways. Avoiding the trap of promising heroic action. Again, do the possible.

 

[Multicolored Lemur]

one skill, if someone is getting right in your face, you can place a hand on their opposite shoulder. Not a push, merely a placement.

almost like a martial arts move.

If you want to say, Hey, it’s okay if they get right in top of me. And if it’s a woman, it’s okay if she beats on me a little, that’s okay, too.

But the diagonal hand placement is one more good skill.

 

[AgnosticBoy]

I think some of JD Vance's view come from the Conservative principles that marriage is sacred, and not a simple contract. Someone with that thinking is gonna view divorce unfavorably, and would expect it only in very tough situation as opposed to allowing it for just any reason. This is likely why JD Vance suggested that people should not divorce over domestic violence.

BUT, is he correct? I honestly do think divorce can do harm, especially when there are kids involved. What we learn from our parents and our experiences with them have a very big impact on how we will handle various area of life ranging from hardships to relationships, to respecting authority, etc. What I'd ask JD Vance is what would be considered good grounds for a divorce. Or even, what can a victim of domestic violence do other than just divorcing..